April 23, 2012

Real life ending to a very important chapter

I feel like it is time for me to write about a very important chapter in my life. I am not going to lie this chapter has been a long time writing, its been through some proof reads, edits, and didn't quite make the final cut. But its part of my life so I want to share it with you. Grab your tissues and enjoy.

December 2nd 2011 marked the end of my relationship with Daniel (see http://mydutchstory.blogspot.com/2011/06/dp.html) for more details). We ended it unexpectedly so I think that made it even harder to take. The weeks following my friends and family surrounded me as I questioned God about what was happening to me. Abby, Rochelle, and Lette proved to be the friends I have always needed and desired for. They were always there for me when I needed a hug, needed to cry, or needed to have fun. I ended my sophomore year not liked I planned and drove away from Trinity with my Juke all packed up wondering what would happen next while I was in Ecuador.

I arrived in Ecuador about 5 weeks later and began to question God why he had put me here. I did not feel like I was in the right place. I wasn't sure if the communication between Daniel and I still had was in God's will. Lent came around and I felt God laying it on my heart to fast from all forms of communication with him. I have never done anything like this which made me scared. I was scared of what would happen after the 40 days of fasting. I was scared that I would never talk to this friend again, or that we both would move on to the next stage of life.

During those 40 days God taught me a lot. The first thing I learned was that I need to daily give my thoughts and worries to God. I have a big worry problem and I have been trying to work on it for years. Finally, I have been able to improve on giving my worries to God. I was at my host stay during this time and was blessed to have a lot of quiet time. I got into the routine of doing my daily devotions in the morning. I found this very beneficial to me because I could give God my thoughts about Daniel (and other worries) to Him right away, and then remember during the day that they were in better hands.

Secondly, I learned that no matter what I have to love people and their faults. I have some major faults of my own and selfishly I think that they are easy to love. I have realized that all people have problems, but because God has loved me first I have to love people around me even if it might hurt a little. I have to make the commitment of trying to figure out how to love someone (that includes the person who didn't do the dishes or the person who communicates differently than I do).

Thirdly, I learned that I need to fall in love with God (Lette helped me form that phrase). I know that before I can start loving another guy I need to discover God's character more. I need to sit down, ask questions, study, memorize, talk about the only person that will never leave me or forsake me. I want to discover more about the only man who has the perfect love so that I can better love the next guy. I want to be in love with God more than I ever have been.

...As you know Lent has ended as well as any further communication with Daniel. I have to say that God really through me for a loop with that one. But I will never say I regret doing Lent. I do not wish that it was different. I have found my purpose of being in Ecuador. It wasn't to love on the kids at Zambiza, or to study Spanish, or to make new friends (but those things are still very important to me). No, my purpose was that God will show me the next chapter in my life. He has allowed me to see the final ending to Daniel and I. I now look forward to a summer of full healing, to time with my family, and a time to discover more of my Lord.

I learned a lot during that last chapter. I am going to take some footnotes and red marks along with me to my next relationship (whenever that may be). But for now during my next 17 days in Ecuador I will continue to look to God, embrace the time with the ladies in the house, and praise God for the peace He has given me the past couple weeks.

1 comment:

  1. I'm so glad you were obedient to God's voice - I'm sorry for the ending, but I know it's in God's plan...God bless!