traditional husband

About half of my blog post ideas never get posted because they are sappy.

I'm not sure how often you want to read about my love for my husband. But the fact is is that I do. And sometimes I just need to write about my traditional husband. 

Last weekend I got really sick to my stomach. Usually, I can fight off any stomach aches with an hour on the couch or a good nights rest. This was different. I started the day off feeling at 60%. I thought a run and a clean (Paleo) breakfast would help. It did a good job of stabilizing everything. But after lunch I felt awful. I often say "I have never felt this sick before" but I wasn't being dramatic this time. (By the way, that phrase looses it's value once you say it a few times :). I laid in bed with the worse stomach pains I've ever felt. For over 6 hours I laid in bed hoping the pain would go away. 

moving in.

My ears always perk up when a conversation starts "I started living with my boyfriend..." I am not listening with intent to be nosy. But with the intent of being able to share my story.

During the time my husband and I met we were living in college dorms. We were lucky enough that we lived in the same building. Seeing each other for a quick minute was easy when the person lived a few steps away. We both chose to live off campus our senior year. In a Christian community it was not a surprise. However, in the real world it was mind blowing.

The other day I was listening to a girl talk about how nervous she was about moving in with her (new) boyfriend. I listened for a little while then began to speak up. I told her that I wouldn't do it. I pointed out that nerves are probably not a good thing. If you have a good thing going on now why change it. I finished my two sense with "I know I'm a little different. It was scary living with someone I never had before, but my husband makes a great roommate. I am glad I didn't live with my husband before we got married because we had to keep pursing each other until the day we got married. We had another thing to look forward to." Another girl chimed in and gave reasons against everything I had just explained to her. That's when I left the conversation. But I hope that I got her thinking.

The reality is that not living with your boyfriend before marriage is so uncommon. It makes me SO sad. I do not understand how living with him would be a beneficial thing. I think it gives them more reasons to not commit to marriage or even leave the relationship all together. What happens if you do not live together?

You enjoy the sweet moments of having them over to your house. You enjoy making time to spend at each other's house. You become so different from the world but realize it's working! It's a beautiful thing; seeing the looks on people's faces when you tell them you never lived with your husband until marriage.

I love being able to tell others how my unconventional choice is working. I loved the first few months of trying to figure out how to live with this male. Maybe a little strange but certainly worth waiting for until after marriage.

stress

Before signing with my current work position I knew I would have to take an online class. They require all workers to take Early Childhood Education courses. I actually respect the work place for doing so. If I was a parent I would want my child to be in the best care and with a person who has knowledge behind what they are doing.

Respect aside, taking an online class has been a struggle for me. I am in my fourth week and am finding myself having a bad attitude towards it. My poor husband has to hear my complaints almost every time I sit down to do homework. Really, Victoria? Complaining every time? Yea, pathetic right? But for some reason I am slow to switch my negative attitude to a willing heart. I know the class will be beneficial to me later in life. Especially, if I want to become a mother. This week I realized a lot of why I don't want to take the class is because the stress is puts me under.

the springs.

Welcome back to a new week! I hope you were able to spend some time with someone you love. Just putting it out there: my weekend rocked!

To celebrate my birthday, my husband's full time job, and his birthday (which is next month!) we had a staycation. To celebrate even more we chose our cheat day (on our Paleo lifestyle) during our getaway! Friday night we stayed in Colorado Springs. We kicked off the celebration with a brew from Red Leg Brewing Company. Yum. Checking out new breweries and restaurants is one of our favorite activities. We loved the clean, industrial, and low key feel of this place.

I then acquired a big craving for pizza. Pizza filled with cheese, wheat, and grease. All things not Paleo. My loving husband went on an adventure to find me pizza. Because when I have a craving it doesn't go away. So we had our pizza in our king size hotel bed watching cable TV. Pure bliss my friends.

hide out

Just recently I wrote about the need for friends. I commented how awesome it would be if I could stay in every weekend night and have quality time with the husband. If I had two choices I'd always lean towards that one. But marriage is teaching me that spending every wakening moment with each other isn't reality nor helpful.

Our apartment is small. Like we can hear each other from every room, small. I am not complaining. This way my husband can't hide from me. Sometimes though we need to hide. Which is why I believe finding your own activity and hiding out is important in a healthy marriage.

For example: blogging. This blog is my time. My husband and I had a conversation before I started out on the blog's revamp. From that conversation we set boundaries on topics I could discuss and set up specific times to work on the blog. Granted I work on it outside of those times. But, we felt it was important to be specific so each one of us has an hour to do something we love but the other may not enjoy. I blog. He games.

We need to hide because I believe it's good for the self-less love. I know that if I continually work to please my husband I will tire myself. I will no longer have the strength to make him happy because I haven't invested in myself. I don't think I can take care of him if I am a mess. Hiding out provides a time for myself to think, reevaluate, and clear my head. Believe it or not, this blog often acts as my journal. I write what I am thinking and it helps me better understand those thoughts.

Maybe this isn't the most groundbreaking information you've ever heard. But I hope it serves as a reminder to a young couple that doing things for yourself is okay. In fact, it's good for your relationship. Take it from me, the girl who pushed to do EVERYTHING with her husband and had it backfire in her face.

Take time today to plan out your hide out time. Talk it over with your significant other and encourage him to do the same. I hope you will see a difference in yourself and in your relationship.

making friends.

My husband is my best friend. He is my partner in crime. My cream to my coffee. My tights to my boots. My man.

Last Saturday I got to go shopping. I was sad though. I had no one to go with. While shopping can be enjoyable by yourself, it's a lot more fun when you get to go with someone else. After my short trip my husband asked what was wrong. I was sad. Sad that I didn't have friends in Colorado to share simple trips like shopping with.

Before moving to Colorado I knew I'd be okay with having no friends. But I didn't realize that it actually gets old after a while. Typically, I'm the girl who is totally okay with not seeing her friends for months. My history of friendship is all across the board. But I'm used to having my family as friends. Which is why I am SO thankful my husband is my best friend. I didn't realize that after months of a new adventure it'd be nice to be able to call a friend up for a cup of coffee, or run to the store while the husband is at work.

NEWS FLASH: It's hard making friends in a new town. It is not at all like college. You know the place that you'll immediately have at least one thing in common with everyone at the school. Or the place where there are tons of people in the same stage of life as you. And if you were like me; blessed to go to a Christian college, have your love for the Lord to talk about.

Mustering the energy to go to a new church is a lot of work. Then add the pressure to find people who  don't have kids, are newlyweds, and maybe just maybe like a healthy lifestyle. Talk about anxiety. Those categories really narrow it down. Granted, I know that being friends with someone different than yourself is a good thing. But, man, would it be nice to have someone who enjoyed the same things as me while everything else in this adventure is new. Conversation would be a lot easier!

Being married has made me aware of the importance of friends. It's so easy to stay in for the night and enjoy being with each other. I treasure those nights. But, I think how wonderful it would be to be able to invest in someone's life. To talk about marriage together. To share struggles together. To laugh at ourselves together. All from a girl perspective. One that sometimes males do not understand.

I am not taking for granted my friends who have stayed in touch from a distance. I am so thankful for their efforts. But I know we'd agree that distance friendship is different than being just down the road (or down the hall for that matter). I am always grateful for my friendship with my husband. But I am always wondering when I will be able to make a friend. Maybe it comes down to pushing myself to do more things I don't want to... Like talking to people after church.

Idleness.

Where do I get my ideas of a traditional wife? I often write about my mother's example. The person she is widely influences my idea of how to be a wife. But more importantly, I look to the Bible: God's words to influence my ways of wifehood.

Many Bible believing people know the common scripture Proverbs 31 (The Wife of Noble Character). It's common yes, but it never fails to influence me. No matter how many times I read it I find something more relatable. Honestly, I can't remember the last time I read it as Mrs. Hamstra. It guided my thinking even while I was single. Now, here I am, married, with only six months of experience and soaking up every word about wifehood. Within those six months I feel I can relate to more of that scripture that I thought possible.

Today as I sat down to read verse 27 stood out to me:

She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. 

Creating a positive image

During a conversation with a co-worker I noted the multiple times they mentioned something negative towards their significant other. It made me sad and created an unfavorable image of said person. I have not even met the person! Not fair to them and co-worker. I doubt that was their intention because, let's face it, girls sometimes need to vent! But it got me thinking how I communicate to my co-workers about my husband.

If I could have it my way the whole world would know that my husband is my knight in shining armor. The whole world would know that he's the best husband around. But the reality is I don't shout those things on rooftops and try to keep the love announcements to a minimum. I don't walk into my classroom everyday and share that my husband scraped ice off my car (even though he really did and I wanted to tell everyone!). Those things get old for some people. I do however, make any mention of my husband a positive comment.

Why? I believe the way I talk about my husband reflects Christ. On the outside when someone hears husband they think (at least I hope) promise, vows, through good and bad, etc. Promises and sticking together through the good and bad cannot happen without the Lord's grace. Mentioning negative attributes about my husband deflates Jesus' gift. I automatically put a negative image in their mind about my husband. If they know I'm a believer they might think that is an okay action to take part in. They assume Christians are not set a part in that department. On a more surface level, whenever my husband gets to meet my co-workers they have the negative images in their minds affecting their impression.

Don't get me wrong, I don't pretend everything in my marriage is 100% perfect but I don't let the petty things interfere with how I communicate to my co-workers. To avoid that trap I mentally remind myself to communicate positive. It's easy to start communicating negatively when others do it so willingly.

traditional wife in a modern world

Hey there! Have you noticed the new look? I'm excited to announce that I have been re-inspired for this blog. From here on out you'll be getting a look into my dutch story while being a traditional wife in a modern world. I want to bring you better content and more frequent posts. Exciting right?!

You see, I've grown up in a very traditional lifestyle. Now here I am 22, married, and still holding onto those traditional values but placed in a modern society. My values, thoughts, and ways of doing things don't often line up to societies. I hope to give you more focused content through my lessons in the kitchen, in the house, in a relationship, in my workplace, and in my heart. Please don't think I've gotten everything 100% correct; I'm learning as I'm writing!

P.S. I'm still fidgeting with the site, so please ignore anything that doesn't look great or work correctly!

Day 6: Marriage

Thanks for following along with me as I gave thanks these past five days. I hope my thoughts spurred on your own. I hope you were able to give thanks for something each day.

On this Thanksgiving I am giving thanks for marriage.

The other day my husband asked if marriage was all I ever thought it would be. It is and more. I am thankful for marriage because it pushes me to be a better person. It reminds me to be self-less. It requires work, time, and patience. But the reward is greater than the work and time put in.

Maybe I am still in the euphoria stage of marriage, but I haven't been this happy in a very long time. When my man and I were dating I would be sad when the weekend was over. The weekend was when we spent the most time together. This past Sunday I remembered that feeling of wishing the weekend would stay. I just smiled because that weekend feeling carries on for seven days. It doesn't stop.

I am giving thanks today because marriage makes me want to be closer to the Lord. I want to love the Lord more so I know how to love my husband more. I want to experience the Lord's grace so I can give grace to my husband. I am thankful for marriage because I continually have someone who will do devotions and talk about sermons with. Seeing your husband worshiping the Lord is a truly special  experience. I hope that someday my kids look over to their dad and feel encouraged by his faith like I do.

I am giving thanks for marriage today because I always have a partner in crime. Things are a little easier when you have someone else to do it with. For example, working out early in the morning, eating healthy (or eating to much pear crisp), and going through long days. They are right there next to you encouraging you without even knowing it.

I have been incredibly blessed these past four months from my husband. I am so thankful the Lord brought my husband and I together. I give thanks for my husband today.

I am also giving thanks for these beautiful photos of our wedding day!

Day 4: Newlywed budget

Today I am giving thanks for a budget.

Wow! I have learned so much in the past four months just based on having a newlywed budget. Don't get me wrong, it wasn't my first budget ever but it is my first strict budget shared with another person.  I have learned more about myself then I thought I would. I've written on it before but the grocery budget is hardest part. Tackling the first month on the budget was challenging. Thankfully each month has gotten just a little easier! I have the confidence that I can do it. I convinced myself there was no way I had the capability to stick to our allotted amount. But I did! For four months now!

I also give thanks for a budget because it teaches delayed gratification. My husband and I make jokes about it, but honestly it's true. When I have a sweet tooth and we already used our restaurant budget. Or when I want new shoes and we've already used the clothing budget for the month. These are things that I don't really need right away and don't get right away thanks to the budget. Then the next month rolls around and that ice cream tastes so much sweeter because we waited to spend the money.

I am thankful for the budget because it makes me treasure the treats and extra's even more than before. I am thankful for the budget because it stretches me in ways I didn't think it would.

7.19.2014

Good news! We got internet in the apartment. Here's to more posts!

7.19.2014 was a beautiful day. A day filled with nerves, smiles, laughter, tears, and a name change. I never in a million years thought I would marry the man I did. But, the Lord knows best and gave me more than I ever deserve. 

To be honest, I had a terrible fear that the 19th wouldn't come. That it was to good to be true and something bad would happen. That shows how much doubt I have in our Lord. One that is hard to admit but now a good reminder to continual trust him. 

I'm so thankful the 19th came because while it was an overwhelming day it was a day filled with love. Of course love from my man, but also from the five bridesmaids and one personal assistant who continually made sure I didn't need anything. Love from my mothers who made sure others were taking care of. Love from friends who came from different states to see us two get married. Love found in the scripture we read Psalm 91. While typically not a wedding passage it was a good reminder of where our strength is found in.

I don't remember a whole lot about the ceremony. Ask me what the church look like and I'd fail that test. But, ask me the look my man gave me when I first saw him and I'll probably tear up with a wonderful memory. It's was like I won! All the secrets I had been keeping from him paid off! 

Weddings can be a lot of fluff sometimes. Even while going through the planning process we chose against some of the typical wedding events. The goal I kept in mind throughout the 6 months: creating a night to be with family and friends. I believe we achieved that goal, and I think a large part of that was taking out the dance. Instead, we had large scale board games outside, family sized dinner tables, and our bridal party and their dates sit with us at the head table. 

If I had to give a new bride some tips I'd tell her: 

1. Don't get annoyed if the groom doesn't want or have interest in planning. That's normal. 

2. If you don't want a wedding cake don't have one. If you don't want any flowers don't. Stick to what you like to make your wedding unique. 

3. Keep it small. If possible, only invite those that have made an impact in your life. It makes the day more meaningful. 

4. There are a thousand things you and your groom will be doing that day. Don't forget to take a moment to soak up all the memories. And don't be surprised if you feel like you hardly talked to him. It's a whirlwind!

5. Elope. I'm not kidding. Weddings and drama are synonymous. If you hate drama like me then make a run for it. 

Below are a few photos from our Capsule. I will share with you the photographers photos once we have them! If you have any photos you want to share enter: 7TFCF and you'll be able to view more and upload yours. 

Mr. and Mrs. Right before we got announced. 

Dad and I watching the bridal party going down the aisle. 

My sweet Addy. Getting her ready! 

My crew on our way to Flagstaff. 

Had to put this one in there, my cool siblings, being themselves. 

The flower girls loving their white dresses. 

Thankful my Grandma was able to make it. Missed having my other Grandma their but was able to wear her bracelet.  

The VH sisters. 

Probably the best personal assistant a bride could ask for. When I ask if she could make an emergency kit, I didn't know it'd come with different compartments and disguised as a purse. What a gal! 

Instead of walking back to the reception hall, the bridal party hopped into the back of my dad's truck. Fun fact: I had to be lifted into it because I couldn't bend in my dress. Thank goodness for strong men!